You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
