you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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