He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So much rum. So many feels.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
