You smell like stripper and shame
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
