matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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