planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
