I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
