she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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