You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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