i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
