hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
