The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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