how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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