No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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