i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
