Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
