Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
