Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
