also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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