as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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