her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she peed on how many people?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
