She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize