Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize