using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
