Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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