i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
