true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
