He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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