This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
