Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
