YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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