I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
