Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
