dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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