Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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