My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
