I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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