Im at strip club and am horny
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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