Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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