Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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