Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
