i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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