I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
