I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love you. Go after that dick
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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