I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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