I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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