Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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