Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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