I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
