oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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