Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
