I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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