I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
