Just fell off a train. Bad.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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