So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
