just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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