Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
