bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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