I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
