plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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