he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
