based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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