If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
