you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
