I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
