I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize