Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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