what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
